It’s September, already. Where did the summer go? Between getting the
kids ready for back to school, when you spend so much money it’s like second
Christmas, and planning your “Labor Day Summer is Gone Last Hurrah Party” there
is another item thrusted onto your to do list: flu shots. Unlike those other
guilt ridden gotta-do’s like calling your mother or buying whatever your kid
has to sell to pay for their absolutely necessary four day band trip to
wherever; flu shots are the gift that keeps on giving.
First of all, flu
shots save lives, for people with pre-existing conditions like: asthma,
diabetes and chronic pulmonary disorders, it’s an extra line of defense against
a prolonged hospital stay or worse. The
elderly and the very young have a weaker resistance to the flu and need to be
protected. Pregnant women also show up on the “flu shot priority list” and even,
of all people, Native Americans and Alaska natives…go figure. Even if you’re a
healthy person, getting a flu shot will help ensure that you won’t be giving
the disease to others, like your parents, or your spouse and kids. This is
called: herd immunity. Hmmm…I’ll have to
ask my priest if this falls under a Corporal Work of Mercy. Lastly, getting the
flu sucks. When I was a young healthy buck and was going to live forever, I
never got a flu shot. I hate
needles. Then I got the flu. First, I
was afraid that I was gonna die, then I was afraid I wouldn’t. It was four
miserable days of sweats and chills, dizziness and nausea. No thanks! And now I
get one every year.
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Then, after you
finally kick the flu and go back to work, the only good thing about that pileup
on your desk is that your boss can’t see you to give you grief for being
out. You’re coworkers flash you a pseudo
smile, ask how you’re feeling, and how glad they are that you’re back. All
because they want to make sure you’re not planning to call out again and
they’ll be shorthanded. You are so
getting stuck with planning the company picnic this year! Speaking of business, it cost about $10
billion in hospital and doctor visits each year because of the flu. That’s
probably why you’ve got this great immunization coverage in your company health
plan. See, they really do care! C’mon, it’s free, or almost! Get the shot.
And it’s oh, so
easy to get one, in fact, you almost have to try to avoid getting a flu shot. Most pharmacies and grocery stores this time
of year hawk vaccinations like melons at a Persian Market. Employees button
hole you in the aisles asking if you had your flu shot yet. Robo-calls and
texts bombard you daily. Coupons, discount cards, and points on whatever
program they’re running entice you to give up a little time and your arm for
your health. Guilt ridden announcements let you know that your flu season peace
of mind is only a rolled up sleeve away.
Getting your vaccination early is not a
bad idea. It takes a few weeks for your body reach full immunity from the shot,
so the sooner you get one the better. You’re going to want to be covered for
the holidays and after when the flu really hits. It’s a lot easier, to get it
in the late summer or early fall, too, when all you have is a light shirt
sleeve to roll up, rather than in the winter, when you have to take off your
parka, and a sweat shirt, and a sweater, and another shirt…
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Why all the hype?
Well, of course, you know that any Health Care Professional (HCP) worth their
salt really does care and wants you to get immunized. The reason why they hassle you like a Bangkok
pimp is because they have to make a quota. Even before the
first shipment of vaccine arrives, each store receives their projection of shots
to be given for the year. It’s ambitious and like department stores trying to
capture pre-holiday Christmas sales, the push to get your totals in early comes
hard and heavy. District managers, like nervous mothers, hover over each day’s
results, because it’s hard to catch up if you stumble out of the gate. In order to help reach company goals you may
have a store sponsored flu clinic where you work. Take advantage of it. It will
not only relieve some of the pressure off your HCP but, it is convenient,
quick, and the boss will think that you’re a real team player. You can also get
other vaccinations that you might need such as: Pneumonia and DPT. Why not? I
mean, you’re there anyway. By the way, don’t think that you can call out the
next day claiming you got the flu from the shot. The virus they use is dead.
You may feel a little punky, sometimes, but suck it up and drag your sorry butt
into work anyway; remember the company picnic?
In my days of
giving immunizations I submitted a few suggestions to head quarters to help
increase our flu shot numbers. Although I never received a response, I believe
these ideas have some merit, so I’ll throw them out there, for what it’s worth,
to any HCP who may be interested. My first brainchild was; The Shot for a Shot
program. This is where you make a deal with the local tavern owners and give a
voucher for a free drink to any of the patrons who get a flu shot there in the
bar, of course they would have to get their hand stamped; only one to a
customer. This could help pickup business on a slow night: see, a Win-Win. This
program could also be expanded to bowling allies for a free game or admission
to a AAA baseball game to help increase traffic. They could both use the
slogan: “Strike Out the Flu”. That would
save big dollars on signs and advertising.
My best idea, by far, is to take over an empty
toll booth at a bridge or turnpike: the Flu Shot Lane! We could pick up all or
part of the toll for the car to pass. All they would have to do is give us
their insurance card and put their bare arm out the window. We could give
credit to E-Z Pass drivers and even more if the passengers get vaccinated too.
Long haul truckers would find this idea really convenient and just think of all
the shots you could give to senior citizens on excursion buses.
Finally, when the
flu season is over, the district is usually rewards the hardworking staff of
the store with the most shots with a Pizza party! Really? Not to look a gift
horse in the mouth, but you think with all the money they made for the company
that they could do a little better. So, I decided to dedicate a song to honor
all those hard working over achievers, who push the numbers for their team. I had
a few ideas: first was “Don’t Stop Injecting” sung to “Don’t Stop Believing” by
Journey, then there was “Flu Shot Hero” sung to “Jukebox Hero” by Foreigner,
but I decided on: “Flu Shot Queen” sung to “Dancing Queen” by Abba, because
these contests are usually chick things, anyway. I Hope you like it!
Flu Shot Queen: For you over achievers.
(OOOOO)
You can draw. You can
stick, really for you it’s no trick.
See that girl. Watch
that scene. Digging the Flu shot Queen.
The end of summer has
come around,
You get a package
from Fed Ex Ground.
Check it in and store
it. You know what to do. Nobody will get
the flu.
Hey there! Mister
now, don’t be shy.
C’mon now you don’t
want to Diiie.
And you’ve got
insurance. You’ll get yours for
free. Don’t walk away from me.
And now it’s plain to
see…
You’ll be the Flu
Shot Queen, smart and keen, working behind the screen.
Flu Shot
Queen…recognized by the CDC…oh yeah.
You can draw. You can stick, really for you it’s no trick.
(OOOOO)
See that girl. Watch
that scene. Digging the Flu Shot Queen.
All your techniques
are first rate.
You’re so good you’re
getting Daaates.
Boney armed old
ladies, truckers with tattoos; they’re all the same to you.
And since you saw it
through…
You are the Flu Shot
Queen…smart and keen working behind the screen.
Flu Shot Queen…recognized
by the CDC…oh yeah.
You can draw. You can
stick, really for you it’s no trick.
See that girl. Watch that scene. Digging the Flu Shot Queen
So I hope that I’ve encouraged and enlightened you to get
out there and get that flu shot ASAP. Go see your HCP. Roll up that sleeve and
take one for yourself and humanity. Maybe they’ll even give you a fancy
band-aid and a cookie. What the heck! Bring your whole family and make it a bonding
thing. Why should you be the only one having fun? Then chalk it off your to-do
list. Then the only thing left for you will be the car inspection, and the
radon test, and back to school night, and…
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